The best way for me to gauge how my battle with depression is fairing on an overall level is by checking out the cleanliness of my bedroom. I am much more capable of keeping the kitchen and living areas clean. Even doing quick scrubs of the bathroom sink and toilet are fairly regular. But my actual sleeping space… well that’s another story all together.
No one goes into my bedroom but me (and my pets, but they often like the additional comfy-ness of piles of clean laundry not put away). But, this is the area where I need to make the effort to be more aware. This is the last place I care for myself and my retreat for when I collapse after I cannot handle one thing more.
I wish I had an alarm that would go off when I haven’t really cleaned my room in two weeks, two months, (or dare I confess longer?) However, please do not offer to be my alarm unless you wish to be smacked into sleep mode or tossed across the room.
Yet, if I manage my awareness of my personal space, I see it. I know it. It’s the doing something about it that is the problem. You know what I mean? It’s easier to step over the piles of clothes and mail detritus to get to my bed so I can collapse and cry myself to sleep.
My awareness is keener today and I look at my bedroom as I clean and consider the deeper, metaphysical implications. What of our deepest soul places? Should not our inner self, that deep, deep part that we let no one else see… should not this place be our sanctuary and our personal refuge?
What happens when our place of peace within is chaotically inclined to piles of crap. It happens to us all. How can we be assured that the secret places of our lives are swept, scrubbed, tidied and have windows open to blow fresh breezes of life into the dark stagnancy?
I urge you my friend (if you have bothered to read thus far) to schedule time to attend to the needs of your inner bedroom. Wash the sheets and towels. Put away the excess clutter. Take pride in beautifying and keeping fresh the inner most parts of you.
That outside shell is important, I know. It is the first thing you present to the world. It is how you get about within your community. But, please do not neglect the secret place.
You, me, we all deserve a sanctuary and beautiful refuge deep within. That comes only with self cleaning… but if you need a maid service, I know a Divine Savior who is eager to help and all it will cost is your surrender.